Hidden Heart (Windy City #1) Read online

  “I don’t like small talk.” She shook her head and reached down for her purse.

  He watched her, seeming to be content to let her lead them through the conversation.

  “I wanted to talk about this.” She pulled out the rolled up papers and tossed them on the table.

  He took his time unrolling them and flattening them to the table with his hands.

  It was a three-page list that contained activities common in the types of relationships he obviously involved himself in. Some of the items were of the sexual nature, and some were simply things regarding the relationship.

  “Okay.” He kept his hands on top of the papers and stared at her. His eyes weren’t just settled on her, they were searching her. She felt his investigation before she opened her mouth. This had all played out much smoother in her mind when she’d thought of it during breakfast.

  “Jessica.” His voice snapped her out of her drifting headspace.

  “Page one is out!” She blurted and looked around to see if anyone had heard her. She felt her cheeks blush at the thought of the items on page one. Most of them she’d had to search on Google for the definition.

  “Good.” He nodded.

  “What do you mean good? Aren’t those things you want?” She waved a hand over the pages.

  “Not really. Page one is really my list of things I don’t care for but am willing to do if my partner wishes to.” He relaxed his hands and his tone.

  “Oh.” She brought her brows together. She had been sure he would end the conversation after she told him how she felt about the things on page one. She wasn’t a doctor, but she didn’t think fisting or shoving ginger root into one’s bottom was safe. And even if it was safe, she wanted no part of it.

  “You thought that because I took control the other night that everything would always be about what I want and not you.” He read her mind perfectly, which was yet another strike against him in her book.

  “No, not really—”

  “That’s one.” He pointed a finger up in the air “I don’t like the counting,” she said.

  “I don’t like the lying.” He leaned toward her over the table, his soft composure hardened.

  “Page two is marked with the things I’d be okay with trying…but if I don’t like them, then no more.” She sounded as though she were negotiating a plea agreement. He listened patiently as she went through the things she would try and things she wouldn’t give a second thought to. He let her continue her monologue until her well-rehearsed speech was over.

  “Okay, now. Anal sex isn’t as bad as you think it is, and the training that goes with it can be extremely fun.”

  She could have sworn he’d grown red horns for a moment to go along with the smile he gave her with that statement.

  “And I don’t want to be punished.”

  “Of course you don’t. I don’t want to have to punish you.” He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms over his chest. The position reminded her of a line being drawn in the sand. A line not to be crossed.

  “If I say no to punishments?” She met his gaze.

  “That’s part of the deal, Jessica. Hopefully, it won’t be something we have to do—or do often, at least. Okay…we’ll put anal sex off for a bit…until we know each other better. Punishments stay. Anything else?”

  “I don’t want to call you Sir like that girl did. I want to use your name.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not less than you. I don’t want to feel like I’m less than you.” Her eyes dropped from his, her voice fell as well.

  “Look at me.”

  She was only mildly surprised when she obeyed.

  “You are not less than me or anyone else. Even if you call me Sir, that won’t change. The title isn’t an issue now. What is an issue is that you understand that even as my submissive you will always be just as important to the relationship as I am. We can’t have one without the other. Our roles are different, not our levels of importance.”

  “I haven’t been avoiding you the past few days because I didn’t want to talk to you. I was avoiding you because I was doing a lot of research and digging around about all of this,” she admitted.

  “You don’t jump into anything blindly.” His ability to see her in raw form unsettled her. The wall she’d built carefully didn’t slow him down.

  “No.” She ran her finger around the brim of her cup. He watched her in silence.

  “What is it?” he finally asked with an edge to his tone.

  “This arrangement. I don’t want it to get personal.” She looked at him with sincerity in her eyes and voice. She cradled her coffee in her hands, waiting for his response.

  “Personal?” He crossed his arms over his chest and scooted down in his seat, as though he were settling in for a long conversation.

  “Yes. I mean… When we are together, then we are together, but I don’t want any of this to spill over to my time alone. When you aren’t with me, you don’t have a say. You don’t control me outside the times we are together.”

  “Like your career, money, that sort of thing,” he offered.

  “Right, and everything else.”

  “Explain everything else.”

  “I read this blog where the woman was told what she could and couldn’t eat for the day, when to exercise, what to wear…I don’t want that. When we aren’t together, I’m in control of myself.”

  “And when we are together, you aren’t,” he added.

  “Yes.”

  “What about other partners? Do you want to have other partners when we aren’t together?”

  “No.” She rushed to say. “I don’t want…I mean…I know that we had sex a bit early on…and I know it’s cliché to say but…I’ve never done that before.” A fresh blush rose up on her cheeks. “That brings up another good point.”

  “What does?” He took a sip of his coffee.

  “Love.”

  “Love?” He grinned.

  “It’s not a goal.” She brought her cup to her lips.

  “Okay, let me get this straight. When we are together, you submit to me, follow my rules, and do as you’re told. When we are not together, you are completely your own person. I have no ruling there. You don’t want to have other partners outside of our…what did you call it? Oh yeah…arrangement, but you have no intention of letting love into our relationship.” He seemed to be holding back a smile as he listed her demands.

  She nodded, feeling proud he’d managed to follow along with her. “That’s right.” She sat straighter in her chair.

  He eyed her silently, his lips firmly pressed together.

  “You can’t tell me love is a requirement.” She pushed on.

  “This has to be the strangest negotiation I’ve ever been involved in.” He scratched his head behind his ear. “Love isn’t something you plan,” he informed her.

  “I know. I just wanted to be sure you knew I wasn’t looking for it. So you don’t have to worry. When we are done, we are done. No hard feelings.” She folded her hands on top of her coffee cup and grinned.

  “Let’s put the topic of love on the same shelf as anal. We’ll come back to it some other time.” He took a deep breath.

  “Do we need to sign a contract or something?” she whispered across the table.

  He smiled. “No, I don’t think we need to do that right now. I think we should just ease into things and re-evaluate in a few weeks.”

  She agreed. A quick peek at her watch, and she widened her eyes. She needed to get home and get ready for the next day. She had a big deposition in the morning and knew her boss wouldn’t be ready enough for it if she didn’t get the file in order.

  “I need to get going.” She gulped down her coffee.

  “I’ll walk you.” He stood with her from the table.

  “No need.” She slid her arms into her coat.

  “Rule one. When we are together, I decide how and when you go home. I’m walking you home.”

  She ha
dn’t realized how deep his voice was before. She rolled her eyes and tossed her purse over her shoulder. “Fine.”

  “Rule two. No eye rolling.”

  “You really like counting.” She stepped out into the brisk air ahead of him, missing his grin.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The Douche

  Jeremy Wilson became partner at the age of thirty-one. His record as a lawyer impressed anyone who would sit long enough for him to tell all about his career. His specialty in law included finance and fraud cases. He was intelligent, decent looking, and could be a snake charmer if needed. He was also a prick.

  Jessica became saddled with him as her boss during her second year at the firm. Jeremy, for all the brains he had, was lazier than a fat cat sitting on sunny windowsill. She hadn’t gone to law school, but she knew finance law nearly as well as he did. This was an asset because if she didn’t do most of his work, his work wouldn’t get done. He was great at schmoozing the clients and pulling in big cases. His presence in depositions and courtrooms couldn’t be denied as flawless, but if Jessica didn’t hand him his arsenal before heading into those depositions and courtrooms, he would have fallen on his face each time.

  Alex had tried to convince her over and over again to go back to school. To get a law degree and wipe her ass with guys like Jeremy. Jessica had good reasons not to try. School cost money, and she had bills to pay.

  She’d settled with being a paralegal. She enjoyed the work. Although Jeremy was a pain in the ass, she learned a lot from working for him. She just wished he’d keep his eyes above her neck when he talked to her. She hated turtlenecks but resorted to wearing them whenever possible.

  Since Jeremy would be out of the office for most of the day at a deposition, she decided to dive into the next pile of files to sort and compile the data he would need for his deposition next week. It would keep her mind from turning to Royce.

  They had seen each other nearly every night since their coffee four days ago. Since they both worked pretty late, they met at his place for dinner. He cooked every night and was excellent at it. He wouldn’t let her bring dinner once.

  There hadn’t been any more sex, and it was beginning to drive Jessica a little cross-eyed. She suspected he was doing it on purpose. He had to know how hot he was making her with all his little caresses and kisses. She did her very best not to pout when he pulled away from a kiss and turned the subject to something else.

  Each night he gave her another rule about being at his place. He didn’t like her to wear shoes. She thought it odd, since he kept his on, but she complied. When she entered his apartment, she slipped out of her shoes and placed them neatly by the front door on a small pink mat he’d placed there for her. He had even stenciled her name it. She commented on the cuteness of it, and he had smiled and kissed her cheek.

  She was to clear the table after they ate their meal. He was specific in how he liked it to be done. She knew well enough how she liked things done to her own preferences, so she didn’t see anything wrong with complying with this rule.

  They kept their conversations mainly about getting to know each other. She did her best to evade his questions by turning the topic back to him. He in turn would bring the conversation back to her. When she tried again to turn the tide, he gave her a warning.

  “If you keep struggling to control this conversation, you will end up in the corner with your pants down around your knees and a very sore backside.” His eyes had been stern when he gave that warning.

  She swallowed and nodded. She wasn’t sure what to say to him at that moment. She’d felt completely chastised and small. She wanted to yell and sit silently at the same time. Luckily, he returned to the conversation with a calm, relaxed voice, and she did the same.

  Royce had kept his word. He didn’t bother her while she worked, at least not with demands of any kind. He did send her a text once a day just asking how her day was going. She always waited an hour before responding.

  Friday finally arrived, meaning she would work late and then join her friends for dinner. The text from Kelly informing her of where dinner was taking place hadn’t arrived yet. Jessica hoped against all odds Kelly would pick a place that served food on real plates, and she could read the menu.

  Jeremy sauntered into her small office, which joined his, and threw himself down in the chair in front of her desk. She looked up from her laptop in surprise, then checked her watch.

  “What happened?” she asked.

  He folded his hands behind his head and threw his feet on top of her desk, knocking over the small framed picture she kept of her parents.

  “Nothing happened.” He shrugged and grinned at her with arrogance dripping from his tone. “I won. They’re going to settle.”

  “What?!” she yelled across the table. “How? They were so determined to see this through the court system.” She shut her laptop and tried not to get too excited. Nothing was straightforward with Jeremy.

  “Oh, they were. I told them to give me a number, they did. It worked out for us. The employees get half of what they lost back, our fees are paid, and the new corporation wants to put us on retainer to watch over their HR department to be sure they stay legal from now on.” His grin stretched to his ears.

  “Half of their retirement money?” she said in disbelief. “Jeremy, some of those people are getting ready to retire now. How can they with only half? Their money was stolen,” she pointed out, desperate to make him see the wrong in what he was doing.

  “Bah! They should have planned better.” He waved his hand in the air and jumped out of his seat. “Never put all of your eggs in one basket. You’ve heard of that saying, right?” He paused at the door to wait for her answer.

  “Of course. Did they agree to this settlement?”

  “They will. I need you to draft up the letter for them and have them all sign off on it. You can sell it to them, I know it. This new account will mean big things for the firm.” He snapped his fingers in his excitement and disappeared into his office.

  Her phone vibrated. Kelly’s pick—Hooters.

  Great. At least they would understand the menu. She slid her phone across the desk and stared into the air.

  Royce and Jessica entered the restaurant half an hour after the group agreed to meet. The letter took longer to draft than she’d anticipated. Having to dash someone’s dreams of retirement tended to make the words flow with less ease.

  Royce had met her at her office, a surprise she didn’t mind for once. He was a welcomed sight after the afternoon with her grimy boss.

  “We ordered chicken wings for everyone. Some big platter thing,” Kelly informed them as they slid into the circular booth in a far corner. Kelly had spied them walking in together, and Jessica cringed at the dropped smile and defeated look in her eyes.

  She’d meant to call Kelly during the week to let her know what was going on with Royce. But Jessica couldn’t find the words to explain it to herself let alone someone else.

  “That sounds great.” Jessica plopped into her seat between Alex and Royce and reached for the pitcher of beer.

  “Whoa. Bad day?” Alex commented, handing her a glass.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Jessica poured herself a glass and offered the pitcher to Royce, who declined.

  “The Douche?”

  “Yep.” Jessica sipped her beer.

  Jonathan and Erin broke in and began to tell everyone their plans for the wedding. Erin was starting to move things along and was beginning to look for her wedding dress. Kelly offered to shop with her, and before Jessica was able to join the conversation, a date had been set in two weeks to spend the day walking along the Magnificent Mile in search of the perfect dress.

  “Only one beer. I have plans for us when we are done here,” Royce leaned over and whispered into Jessica’s ear.

  She nodded, keeping her eyes on her friends chatting. Royce had made it clear in the cab over that even though they were in public, he was still in charge. She hadn
’t had the strength to argue or fight him. She’d enjoyed the warmth of his arm around her shoulders on the ride too much to ruin it.

  “When are you going to drop that damn job and go back to school? They have grants and scholarships. You can do it if you really wanted to.” Alex started in on her job again after the dinner plates had been cleared away.

  “Why not go for a new career with your English background?” Royce chimed in.

  Jessica looked for help from Erin, who promptly threw her hands in the air. “Don’t look at me! I never understood why you switched gears like you did. You would be a perfect editor.”

  “Thanks!” Jessica rolled her eyes. She jumped at the sharp pinch on her thigh and snapped her attention to Royce.

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh.” She realized the error she’d made and quickly turned her attention back to her friends.

  “I have no experience with anything in the publishing world.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and readjusted her seat.

  “So,” Kelly stated, “you could make some new contacts if you went back for your master’s.”

  “Okay, well, that still leaves money. I can’t get my master’s and work sixty-hour weeks. So unless one of you knows Daddy Warbucks, I’m just going to have to accept the road I chose. And so should all of you.” She smiled at them and stood from the table. “Are you ready?” She looked down at Royce, who raised his eyebrow at her again.

  “No.” He shook his head.

  They stared at each other for a full minute before Jessica slowly sank back into her chair. Her face was flushed from the knowledge her friends had witnessed the exchange.

  Erin watched them with a silly grin glued to her face. Jonathan watched with an expression of envy at Royce. Kelly looked completely jealous, and Alex didn’t even try to hide his snicker.

  Jessica stared into her empty glass of beer. She wanted another but was afraid of what scene that might cause. She wanted to stomp her foot and scream. She wanted to dart away.

  Royce placed his arm around her and pulled her to him, placing a kiss to the top of her head. The wave of emotion calmed to a smooth ripple at his touch.